Thursday, March 19, 2015

baby a

I still can't believe this is happening. It sounds cheesy, but it really does feel like a dream! We've wanted a baby so bad for so long and now that it finally has happened, I just feel like I'm walking on clouds and it's just too good to be true! Lucky for me, it's all real. This is really happening!

I had a feeling I could be pregnant a little while before I even took a test. [WARNING: If you are a male, I would just skip this whole paragraph!!] I had missed one period (even though there was the teeny tiniest bit of spotting) but I have missed three periods in a row before and I wasn't pregnant. So I didn't think too much of that. But then my boobs got sore. And very sensitive. I would hug someone or they'd bump into something and...oh man. Ouch. However, I thought it could just be prepping for a period. So I tried not to get my hopes up.

But then it never went away. And I never got my period.

So around my 26th birthday, I decided it was probably time to take a test. I stopped by the store on my way home from work and paced those isles. Do I want a test with a clear word? Well what if it was positive? I would want to keep the test, so would the word disappear after a while? Better get the one with the lines...but what if the answer isn't as clear?! What if one of the lines is faint?! But I would definitely be able to keep that test and the answer would never go away...would it?

I went back and forth like that for at least an hour, weighing the pros and cons of each brand and test. I finally decided to get the one with the clear words--I would go crazy if the results were confusing and I didn't want to take that chance. Besides, once you know, you can take 100 tests and they'll all say the same thing! I can keep one of those! Yay!

I decided it to wait until my birthday to take the test. Knowing that box was hiding upstairs in the back of my dresser was killing me, but I thought if it's negative, well than it's still my birthday and my day was bound to still be a good one. But if it was positive...oh my goodness. Talk about the best birthday ever!!! I had to be patient.

Friday March 13, 2015

Finally Friday has around and we are having quite the busy morning. James comes in with Henry to sing me Happy Birthday (adorable). I know I have to get up and get ready. I want to make sure I look my best just in case I get to take a certain photo, but I'm already feeling really rushed--I know our loan officer will be arriving any minute to sign papers with us. I also kept getting interrupted as James wants to know what I wanted for my birthday breakfast and updates me on time every few minutes. I'm too scared that he'll walk in on me so I just focus on getting ready and not the test I just carried into the bathroom and hid. I have only curled about a third of my hair before I hear her come in. Shoot! I'm tempted to take the test really fast, but this is not a moment I wanted to be rushed. Not even a little. So I just head downstairs.

About an hour and half later, we have signed all the papers and head back upstairs to finish getting ready and finally get my answer.....but I can't wait. I pull the test from behind the bathroom drawer and take the test before anything else can happen and set it on the edge of the tub.

Okay. Don't look at it. It's loading and it'll just make you more antsy. Just do something! I have to look! Still loading. Hm. I could brush my teeth. No, that takes too long. I'll just do a couple curls......Still two of four bars loaded. Okay finished a couple more. Maybe I should look? I'll just take a quick glance....Oh my gosh..does that have a word? A single, short word?!........Okay deep breath, don't get discouraged, you'll be okay, it'll still be a great-.......It says pregnant......It says pregnant!? It says pregnant!.....Does that really say...pregnant?!

I can't help myself. I start shaking so bad, I scare myself. Then it hit really hits me. I start to sob. I fall to my knees and say the most sincere prayer of gratitude I could muster. I can't stop the tears either. I know I had to get ready for work (I was already running pretty late because of the paperwork) so I try to calm myself down enough to finish getting ready. My mother in law is just downstairs and I don't want her to think anything is out of the norm. I go downstairs, pack a lunch, thank her for the birthday gifts on the table and tell her she can have the last birthday donut (I'm going to have to start watching my sugar intake!) and leave for work.

I make a plan that I can’t tell James until his birthday. It only sounds terrible because it’s two weeks away and it’s going to torture me to keep this to myself, but I can't imagine a better present to give him than telling him he was going to finally be a daddy. I smile just picturing the whole thing. I want it to be a really special moment for both of us. You only have your first baby once!...Man, two whole weeks!...But I haven't even seen an OBGYN yet so until I have proof, that might be the smartest thing to do anyway. I feel like I need time to process all of this for myself and figure out all the details (like a due date!) and get some questions answered first.

The whole way there, I think about everything. Telling James, what our little baby will look like, how we would tell our family, if I had been being healthy, what to do first....I start talking to my tummy. It’s not silly! Better get them used to my voice now, right? I am so overjoyed. Tears roll down my cheeks the entire way there, but I am able to keep it together and I’m just enjoying the moment. 

I pull into the parking lot of the office, and immediately make an OBGYN appointment. I know I want Dr. Hamel, I've heard the most amazing things about her! The lady on the phone says her schedule is probably full, but she will check...there’s ONE opening left? I’ll take it! March 23rd. Wow, that’s a long time to hold this in...but this is obviously meant to be! Thank you again Heavenly Father! Now I have the doctor I want and my whole plan is falling into perfect place! 

This lady is really nice about everything—she asks about my birthday, then wishes me a happy one. She asks about the first day of my last period. I remember perfectly and she lets me know I have to be at least 6.5 weeks along. Six and a half weeks!??! Whoa. I tell her my plan and ask if there’s any way James could find out before then. There’s not! This is just turning out to be the perfect day. I get my head in the right place for secret-keeping and head inside the building.


1 comment:

  1. I am sitting at my desk at work and I am trying so hard not to tear up! I cant believe I am missing this!! I am SO excited for you and just want to be there to enjoy this with you, and hug your little belly, and say to it "I'm Auntie Rae, and I love you SOOO much already, and I will spooooil you- from afar!" I cant believe my sister, who I can remember playing Barbies with and playing in the hose in the front yard, is having HER OWN BABY! YOU ARE A MOMMY!!!


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